With some trepidation I boarded the Eurosun coach, my luggage was safely stored in the bowels of the coach. I had only my hand luggage with me inside the coach. I had listened to many others who were veterans of the journey and had taken their advice, to take items to help relieve the boredom during the long hours of the journey. Inside my bag I had two books, several magazines, playing cards, CD player, chess set, sketch book and quiz books. Within two hours I had become completely bored of all of them and fell into a semi-conscious state of total boredom.

The TV screen lit up with a video film, this visual stimulus brought me back from my coma. After watching the film for several minutes i developed a crick in my neck. Unfortunately I was sitting with my back to the screen. To solve this problem I stood in the aisle for the duration of the film and the next film and the next film, by this time my legs had seized up and I had back pains.

The next activity was to go to the toilet, now there are circumstances where desperation will cause your body to do certain things your body is not accustomed to. Upon opening the door I realised just what sardines felt in their tin. I went in the toilet, an upright six foot one inch human and came out looking like Quazzimodo the hunchback of Notre Dame. I needed several hours of physiotherapy to get back to my original shape.

At the end of the first stage of the journey we reached the Eurotunnel. After several checks by security and customs officials, the coach approached the carriage we were to be transported in. The aperture the driver had to thread the coach through looked much smaller than the coach. The front of the coach went onto the carriage, then off the other site, I thought we had missed, but suddenly the coach swung round and slid into the carriage with about 3 centimetres to spare either side. I swallowed hard and went to the toilet again.

The journey through the tunnel was sadly very boring, having to comply with all the rules and regulations, e.g. switch off all mobile phones, no photography etc, that glazed look returned. Approximately 40 minutes later we entered the land of frog’s legs and wine, France. Oh! Good, something interesting to see at last I hoped, but no, it was dark and apart from the street lights and other vehicle lights that was about the best of it. Time to go back to my semi-conscious state.

An announcement by Graeme brought us all back to life, the tale end of the message was the best bit, we would be stopping for a meal soon. Grunts of approval all around. Pupils emerged from under seats, bleary eyed and spaced out. The coach stopped and disgourged its contents, other travellers used the opportunity to gaze upon this wretched group, at least their boredom was lifted momentarily.

Now I was to experience the joys of using a new currency in a country I had never visited, to order food in a language I did not know. I took up the challenge and in my most friendly manner said bonjour Madame.